The intro that I forgot
There are many different races on Telre. Telre consists of many races like Men, Elves, Fairies, Dwarves, Haflings, and many more. One fascinating race is the Mewians. They are quite small compared to other races. They are only two feet in height. They have a strong spirit, but tend to not worry about the concerns of the outside of their borders. The Mewians are very cat-like and enjoy some of the same things cats do, hunting, eating fish, drinking milk napping, sunbathing, bird watching, and being cute. They have cat- like ears and big eyes. Everyone ignores their little fangs and pay more attention to their personalities and their cute face. Their territory is ruled by a king and queen, which is more of a duel monarchy instead of a kingship or queenship.
They also are ruled quietly by a secret group of women called the Mewian Classes. The Classes know more information than any other Mewians. The top of the Classes are the White Mewians. The White Mewians get advice from a non Mewian named Teleriana who knows the secrets of the world Telre.
The main characters are Tikita, Biberly, and Kataki.
Tikita Mew is a strong willed Purple Mewian (which is the 13th rank). She is highly curious. She is sometimes too bold and tries to find out too much information than needed. She is not afraid of anyone many times her height. She is willing to get into fights and not afraid to get injured.
Biberly Boo is a princess. She likes bird watching, actually watching any small animals that could make good pray. She is the huntress princess. She is always trying to figure out a good way to capture her pray, especially little birds. She sometimes tires to stand on her porch pretending to be a post so birds will land on her. It never works but she always tries. She tires to be a good daughter and obedient to her parents.
Kataki Hunter is a hunter Mewian. He enjoys hunting and fishing. He has his own bow and other weapons. He prefers sneaking up to his pray and attacking it. He does not like Biberly’s ‘pretend-to-be-a-post idea. He is afraid of anyone bigger than he is and would rather have nothing to do with them.




Part one

Biberly Boo stood on the railing on her porch. The wind blew through her hair. She closed her eyes and raised her arms out. She sighed and raised her head, so her face would be facing to the sky. A rain drop fell gently on her cheek.
‘Biberly,’ Tikita cried. ‘Biberly!’
Without opening her eyes or moving, Biberly said, ‘What, Tikita?’
‘Get down there.’
Biberly opened her eyes and looked at her friend below her. ‘I have stand on the railing many times and you have not complained before.’
‘We were going to meet Kataki at the Speckled Fish Pond today.’
Biberly looked at the cloudy sky and said, ‘The sun has gone away. How can I find out what time it is?’
‘Biberly, we need to go to the pond. You always liked fishing.’
‘I never liked fishing. I like to eat fish and to be with friends.’
‘Your pony is ready to ride.’
Biberly looked at her friend and said, ‘It is starting to rain. I don’t want to go today.’
Tikita climbed up on to the railing and looked into her friend’s eyes. ‘We promised to Kataki to go fishing with him.’
‘I promise to no one.’
‘Biberly, your family, my family, and other families depend on the fish we get.’
‘Why don’t we get paid?’
‘Biberly.’ Tikita touched Biberly’s shoulder and bit her own lip. She looked at Biberly and after a thought she turned her head. ‘Biberly, I am going by myself. Please put Cinamon away.’
‘It is not safe for any of us to travel alone.’
‘What about Kataki?’
Biberly sighed and said quietly, ‘I am coming. I am coming.’
Kataki who was on his pony rode towards the porch. He yelled up to the girls, ‘I forgot the cart. How are we going to bring back the fish?’
Tikita smiled, ‘With the cart. Cinnamon is ready and in the barn.’
‘I will get the cart ready. Will you bring Dragonbreath?’
‘He does not like the rain. It is hard to ride him in the rain.’
Kataki smiled, ‘You need to control him.’
‘I know,’ Tikita said with a sigh. ‘Come on, Biberly. Time to get some fish.’
Tikita jumped down from the railing. She looked back up at her friend and waved her to come down. Biberly and Tikita went to the stable while Kataki followed. After they got to the barn, Kataki dismounted. Tikita took Cinnamon out of her pen. Biberly and Kataki went to get the cart. They hooked up the two ponies to the cart.
The three of them got into the cart and started riding towards Speckled Fish Pond. This pond was considered magical, because it always had tons of fish in it. Every day, there was enough fish harvested to last the next day and the next day there was always enough. It was a big pond, but not big enough to be called a lake by some standards. The Mewians, which is the race these three were from, consider it a lake, but who cares what the Mewians think.
Once they arrived at the lake, it stopped sprinkling. Tikita pouted, ‘I could have brought DragonCat.’
Biberly patted Tikita on the back. She said in a soft voice, ‘It is ok. DragonCat probably liked having the holiday.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Kataki said. ‘We need to do fishing. Lets decide who does the fishing and who watches.’
‘I will fish.’ Tikita says as she got out of the cart.
There was a couple minutes silence. To break the silence Kataki said, ‘I will watch.’
Tikita and Biberly grabbed a bucket each. They both waded into the lake. Tikita went till she was waist deep, but Biberly stayed closer to the shore. Tikita started grabbing at the fish that she could see. She had several in her bucket when she realized that Biberly was not fishing. Her friend was smelling the air.
‘Are you ok?’ Tikita asked.
Biberly smelled the air. ‘Something smells wrong.’
Tikita took a deep breath. ‘I smell it too.’ She looked around her. Kataki was alert and also looking around. Tikita walked out of the water and to Kataki.
‘Kataki,’ she said, ‘what do you smell? I smell something, too’
‘Fairies, many of them. It is rare to smell just one. I was lucky last year to be able to smell one. I never saw the fairy.’
Tikita stood on her tip toes and smelled the air. She tried to find where the smell was coming from. She glanced people the size of the race of Elves but with wings wondering through the near by forest. A fairy came out of the forest.
‘Fairies!’ Tikita exclaimed.
The three Mewians watched the parade of Faires walk out of the forest and to the East. ‘What are they doing?’ Tikita asked.
‘I don’t know,’ Biberly said. ‘I never keep up on affairs of different races. Do you know, Kataki?’
Kataki shook his head and said, ‘No, I don’t know.’
Tikita ran up to the fairies and asked, ‘Hello, why are you going this direction?’
One of the fairies stopped and looked down at Tikita, ‘For such a little one, you have much courage.’
‘I hear fairies are friendly.’
‘We are a type of fairies. We are the big ones. You must not know what is going on in this world. We are leaving home and finding a new home.’
‘Why? What is wrong with your old home?’
‘It is no longer safe. You need to be more aware of what is happening on this planet.’
‘What is happening?’
‘It is not for me to tell you.’
‘Who do I ask?’
‘I don’t know. We need to get going.’
The fairy went back with the rest of the fairies. Tikita watched the fairies wonder off to be never seen again in these parts. She returned to her friends disheartened. She wondered about what the fairy said.
She said to her friends, ‘The fairies are leaving their home because they don’t feel it is safe.’
‘Why is it not safe?’ Kataki asked.


Part two

‘I don’t know,’ Tikita said. ‘They won’t tell me.’
Biberly said, ‘Maybe it won’t affect us.’
‘I think it might. We must go to figure it out?’
‘Where? Where will we figure out something like this.’
‘Maybe we can go to the Fairyland and see if for ourselves.
Kataki said, ‘I don’t know where that is.’
Tikita shrugged, ‘Don’t we have maps in the palace.’
Biberly said, ‘They are mainly for our areas. I think there is a map to get the land of the men.’
‘That is it,’ Tikita said ecstatically. ‘We can go to the land of the men.’
‘Men are big. They are much bigger than us.’
Kataki said, ‘I don’t trust them. They are much bigger than us.’
Tikita sighed, ‘How are we going to find out what is happening to Fairyland? What other maps are there? Are there any maps of the Elves?’
Biberly shook her head. ‘The maps of the land of men are not that complete. All we have is maps to go to the land of men.’
Tikita bit her lip and stared at the pond. ‘God can protect us. All we have to do is pray to him.’
Kataki said, ‘Not everyone has the same god. What if theirs are stronger than ours?’
‘Defiant! Don’t you trust our God.’
‘I trust our God. Look at me, Tikita.’
‘No, I thought you were loyal, but now, I don’t know what to think.’
‘I am sorry.’
Biberly snapped, ‘Please, don’t argue like this. Kataki and Tikita!’
Tikita turned around and gapped an empty bucket. ‘I am going to get some fish. If we don’t have enough fish, people will think we are lazy.’
As Tikita went into the pond, Kataki said, ‘I am sorry, Tikita. I did not mean it that way. I was just wondering out loud. I was giving an excuse for my fear.’
Tikita seemed to ignore Kataki and said, ‘Biberly, can you talk to your parents who are rulers of our land?’
The princess said, ‘Tikita, we already know my parents are the king and queen.’
‘No, I know it came all out wrong. I think that did too. No can you ask them if we can go on this journey.’
‘They might say no. Why should we care about fairies or Fairyland?’
‘Because what ever the fairies are afraid of can come here and destroy us, the Mewians. If that happens, in several generations, who will remember us?’
Kataki bit his lip, ‘Tikita is right. We should find out for us and the all of the Mewians. This is important for the future of the Mewian race.’
Biberly said, ‘We all need to talk to my parents. I don’t think I can say it as clearly as Kataki.’
Tikita smiled, ‘Lets finish fishing then go to your parents.’
Kataki said, ‘Don’t we have to delver the fish. If we wait till tomorrow, the barn will be smelly.’
Tikita sighed, ‘I know. I know. Jumping ahead of myself again, aren’t I?’
Biberly said, ‘That is ok. We all sometimes do that.’
The three of them fished as hard as they could. They never got that amount of fish before. After they got the fish, they went back to town to deliver the fish.

Part 3


After they got back to the stable, Kataki unhitched the ponies from the cart. Biberly put her pony into her stall and started untacking and grooming the pony. Kataki did the same for his pony.
Tikita sat on a bench waiting for her friends. She took out her sack, which is similar to a back pack. She opened it up and took out a small book. The book’s name was ‘The Purple Mewian’s Handbook’. She never told her friends that she was part of the Mewian Classes. She did not know what Biberly would think, but Kataki probably would not like that fact since most guys don’t like the Classes. She had worked hard to become a Purple Mewian. She is in the middle stage of the classes. There are 36 colors for the classes. Purple was the 13th color.
She opened the handbook and paged through it. A title of an chapter caught her eye. ‘Chapter 12-The Secret Library’ was the name of the chapter. She glanced through the chapter. It was several pages long. She went to the beginning of the chapter which has the chapter overview. She read the first paragraph;
‘The Secret Library contains information beyond any comprehension. If want to know something, someone will be there to help you find the information. Be careful knowledge has power. Sometimes it is better not to know than to know. There is also power with ideas. If you visit this library, you must not talk about it to anyone. To enter the library you must use special stones which are guarded by the so called “Special Teenagers”. These teenagers give these stones to the White Mewians who control the entrance to the Secret Library. If these stones get in the wrong hands, all life that exists will become in danger.’
Tikita closed the book and put it her sack. ‘All of life that exists,’ she thought. ‘What does that mean? This could be a reason that the fairies are leaving Fairyland. I need to go to this secret library. It should contain the key to the puzzle.’
Biberly and Kataki came up to Tikita. Biberly said, ‘Ready to go to my parents?’
Tikita said, ‘Yes, I am. Let me call DragonCat.’ Tikita whistled and a big cat came out of the stable. Tikita got on the back of DragonCat. ‘Lets go.’ She patted her cat and whispered in the language the cat understood, ‘Walk to the King’s Palace.’
Kataki said, ‘I am ready to go.’
Biberly and Kataki walked beside the big cat. Tikita was thinking about the secret library the whole journey, which was only 5 minutes long. Once they got to the palace, Tikita whispered to DragonCat, ‘Stay here. I will be back.’
After they entered, Kataki asked, ‘Why do you whisper to DragonCat? Why don’t you talk in normal voice.’
‘It makes him feel special, Ka-ta-ki.’
The three of them entered the thrown room. Biberly walked up to her parents.
‘Father and Mother,’ Biberly said, ‘we have come to make a request.’
‘What is it, dear?’ Her mother asked.
‘We request to go on a quest, a journey.’
The king looked at the three young Mewians and said, ‘How far? I hope it is not passed the Mewian boundaries.’
Tikita said, ‘It is to Fairyland.’
‘Hmm, no.’
Biberly bit her lip. She was frustrated and it showed. Kataki said, ‘Why not?’
The king looked at the queen and then back to the three young Mewians. ‘The journey is too hard for such young ones. You are only in your ‘tweens. Wait till you are out of your ‘tweens.
The queen said, ‘Why would any Mewian want to go to Fairyland? What would your business be? For pleasure, there are much better suited places to visit with in our boundries.’
Tikita said, ‘There is something wrong with the fairies and I, no I mean we, want to find out what is wrong with them. I want to prevent what is going on in Fairyland happening here.’
The king said, ‘I don’t care about what happens outside our boundaries.’
The queen said, ‘The Classes will warn us if there is any need.’ The king frowned at looked at the queen.
Tikita huffed and stormed out. After Tikita left, Biberly said, ‘I apologize for my friend’s behavior.’
Kataki said, ‘I will go talk to her.’ Kataki left the room.
‘You are not leaving our boundaries,’ the king said. ‘Do you understand?’
Biberly nodded. She was disappointed, but not as much as Tikita was. Kataki reentered the room. He said, ‘DragonCat is not by the door. I think she left.’
‘To where?’ the queen asked.
‘I don’t know where,’ Kataki said.
‘Maybe she went to find the Classes. Momma, you said that the Classes would warn us. She might went there to get information.’
The king asked, ‘Where are the Classes?’
The queen answered, ‘I don’t know. They come to me, but not the other way.’


that is it for part one I will add part three later today

I think of myself--ironically--as an english nut.

So my personal opinion of your story was that it had no base...so I lost interest....

It started getting almost annoying with all the fantasy terms.

I like--however--how you maintained some sort of story line through out it...but really...it started with no introduction into who the characters were or anything of that sort...so it was all quite an eye rush.


(I don't sugar-coat things...if your stories are good...I say so...if they are bad...I say so...But if you wish for me not to critique them anymore, I will respect that :))

waaaaaaaaaaaay too lazy to read that

Am I the only one that thinks that story has some weird names?

No :)...

In the first paragraph when she was calling out that chicks name, at first I thought she was crying out in pain or somthing... I mean... "Biberly"???

lol

I am sorry for having it be too long or have wierd names. :cry: Biberly is like Beverly but with a change. I am working on a into which I forgot to write and the next section. If no body likes it I will stop posting it.
I am sorry. I wanted unique names, but I did not know that people won't like my story because of the names.

Tikita is my name. Kataki is a name based on Tikita (long story how) Biberly is a based on Beverly. I should have used Beverly (biberly), Jane (Tikita), and John (Kataki) instead of their real names.
I won't post this story again unless you want me to. I quit writing because I fail at writing. I guess I will never get my dream book written. :cry: I am going to go and do something useful

the intro is okay...


But as for the names...

I live in southern california :) So I am quite sick of weird names

(Ta-shaun, Laquinka, Lasean, Dabrad, Mashinkwa, Lateri...etc.)

I mean...others may find them ok...but too far of a stretch on names gets annoying to me.

It is hard for a reader to get that "into the book" trance or whatever when they are not comftrable with the names. You can not play the book out in your mind as much, because you may not even know how to pronounce the names.

Its ok to have some weird names, but not just weird names. It gets annoying when its like:

Ludkadg told Yup-aulu that his brother, Namiloto, went to the store.

I have not introduced all of the chars. I am going to have some humans with normal names. Tom, Eugene (It is a real name), Andrew and Fred are some examples of normal names of chars that I will add.

To my opion after a while the names become famliar. If you write enough about, Ludkadg, Yup-aulu, and Namiloto, the readers will get familiar to the names and not see them as too strange. The problem is getting from unkown to familiar. You have nice names.

Ludkadg said to Yup-aulu, 'Your brother went to the store.'
Yup-aulu said, 'I know I sent him to do errands for me.'
'What kind of errands?'
'Mailing my bills next day mail. I procastinate too much.'
'Yup-aulu, you need to stop procastating. Also don't make Namiloto do your job for you. I thought he went to the store.'
'He is going to store to get me groceries and another store to get more clothes for me.'
'You treat your bother like a slave.'
'So.'
'Yup-aula, you need to treat your brother with respect.'
Namiloto came in with two handfull of bags. He said, 'Anything else you need, Yup-aula?'
Ludkadge said, 'Namiloto, you need to stop letting Yup-aula tell you what to do?'
'You got it all wrong Ludkadge. I am doing this because I want to.'
'Why do you want to do this?'
'He is paying me a thousand dolars an hour to do all of this.'
'You have a wierd rich brother.'
'Yep, exspecially since I work full time.'
Yup-aula said, 'I can pay anyone what I want to pay them as long it is over minum wage.'
Ludkadge said, 'You are unusal.'
'Why were you talking about me as if I was not here. I was standing right here.'
'I forgot. This is just a stupid story. I am going to go swim accross the Pacific Ocean. If I make it accross, I will tour Europe. If I fail I will keep trying again until I get to Europe.'
Ludkadge left and Yup-aula said, 'He called me wierd. I guess it is like a kettle calling the pot black.'
Namiloto said, 'I guess I am the only sane person who gets tons of money for doing other's errands.' Namiloto left the room.
Yup-aula said 'Is this the end?'
The end

That was a stupid story that started out based on Tommy's sentence. You can flame me for making that stupid story