Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one
item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus,
one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"

The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to
paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail".
Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought
cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."

The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two
took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, "I brought these."

The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can
go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."

Joke 2

There was a beer party out in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a
downpour of rain and thunder. Two young men ran for about 10 minutes in
the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They
jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and,
of course, still drinking one beer after the other.

All of a sudden an old man's face appeared outside the passenger window,
and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side
screamed out, "Ahhhhhhh! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face
there!"

The old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well, open the window a
little and ask him what he wants!" So, the passenger rolled his window
down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?"

The old man softly replied, "Do you have any cigarettes?"

The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants a cigarette."

"Well, give him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.

So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette
and yells to the driver, "Step on it!!!", rolling up the window in terror.

Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start laughing
again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?"

The driver replies, "I don't know. How could that be? I am going pretty fast."

Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man again.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!" the passenger yells.

"Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.

He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.

The driver throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and
yells, "STEP ON IT!"

They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to
forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is
more knocking!

"OH MY GOD! HE'S BACK!"

The passenger rolls down the window and screams in stark fear, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

The old man replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"

Enjoy ^_^

"When they caught Saddam Hussein, he had more than $750,000 dollars.
When he heard this, President Bush immediately invited Saddam to a
fundraising dinner" - Conan O'Brien